Followers

Follow by Email

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Letter from a Mommy-in-Waiting


Dear Janet,

 I really want to thank you for being obedient in writing the book, Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby. God really is using it to minister to my broken heart and encourages me to not give up for He is faithful. Thank you for your servant heart!

I would like to share with you my story and how I came across your book. I had a mighty plan that after I finish my MBA, my husband and I can start a family. At that point, I didn’t do much research; I just believed that we would conceive right away. Well, a year and one period later, we still didn’t have a baby. In that year I went through wanting a baby, hurting for a baby, being angry with God because everyone around was getting pregnant but us (facebook doesn’t help maters either ).

 I went to see a fertility specialist, who told me that I don’t ovulate on my own and that we can start taking pills to help me. I was so excited, only was disappointed when I found out at the beginning of our treatment that my husband was leaving for 4 month to AZ for officers military training. But the date was moved and I ovulated while he was still home. I was absolutely positively sure that the date was moved by God so we could conceive, yet when my period started on time I was crushed. I was angry, upset and depressed. How could God do that?! Why is He not giving us a baby?

My husband has been gone for a month now and I have my bad days and good days. I came to peace that my husband was gone and we would have to wait for 4 months. But the enemy started to throw seeds of doubt my way, when all people were suggesting adoption. That’s not quiet what I wanted to hear at that moment…considering we only had one chance to conceive. I know people meant well, but I just wanted them to pray with me and not give me every suggestion on what I should do.

 I was desperate to find a book on infertility, so I started to search. The story in the Bible that I absolutely love is story about Hannah.  So I thought that I would start searching for a book on Hannah.

I kept on searching and finally typed in infertility in the search box of a Christian Book store site. Your book came up and the title really captured my heart. After work I bought a copy and started to read. Right away I was crying and laughing as I could so relate to stories of many women, who shared their journey. I also love your encouragement in journaling. And after one chapter you suggested to try to write a poem. So I did and want to share with you.

Written by God and me! 

Dear God, I want a child so unbelievably bad,
Yet the doctor tells me that I have problems, which makes me so sad.
Why does it have to be this way that I must wait a while,
Don’t you see my broken heart that is longing for a child?

Dear God, I am hurting, when I look at facebook posts.
All my friends are showing baby pictures that’s when I am jealous the most.
Belly bump, a dirty diaper, crying baby all night long
Oh how much I long those moments but my hope is gone.

Dear God, I am angry as I wipe another tear
The pills are finally working, but the stress won’t disappear.
Anxiously I wait to test hoping to see a plus sign
Yet another disappointment breaks my heart for a hundredth time.

Dear God, I am hopeful as I am remembering Your sign today
That You’ll bless us with a child along the way.
Help me trust Your plan completely knowing that Your plan is best,
Because You promise us in the Bible that’s when we find rest.

Dear God, I am trusting as You tell me in Your Word
I am tired, weary, anxious, please give  me strength, Lord.
Give me joy to serve you humbly, loving others while I wait.
Use me fully for Your Kingdom believing Your plans are never late.

Dear God, I am peaceful and my mind can’t understand at all.
I am joyful while waiting for our miracle to hold.
Thank You, Father, for the baby You will bless us with one day
Help me keep my eyes on You through the sunshine’s ray.

The message that I am hearing lately through godly people, Christian radio station, Scripture and devotional is to TRUST and BELIEVE for He is FAITHFUL.

Mommy in waiting,
Oxana 

For tips on what not to say to an infertile couple and loving response for the couple check out the article I wrote in MTL Magazine:  http://www.mtlmagazine.com/mtlmagazine/departments/articles.php?cat=my_life
 

No comments: